Angry Letter

Dear Chris Columbus,

I am writing this letter to you, to not only scold your poor decisions, but also to express to you my utter anger and frustration. I have never seen anyone make poorer decisions regarding a movie.

You had one job, which was to turn Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson series into a successful movie franchise. Everything was laid out for you, yet you still managed to screw up the entire plot line, setting, and characters. Every single necessary detail was written down in a book. Did you even read it? I highly doubt you did, considering everything that possibly could be incorrect, was.

Honestly, is it hard to have the main character die her hair the correct color? Even a wig would be a better option than letting her brown locks remain. A key detail in the books was Percy’s sea green eyes, and were they green in the movie? No, of course not. Colored contacts are too difficult apparently.

Another thing that really bothered me was the fact that you set yourself up for failure when you casted the main characters. Percy and Annabeth are both eleven in the books, yet you casted 18 year olds. How can the actors grow up throughout the movies like they are supposed to?  I often wonder what drug you were on when you made these decisions.

Camp Half-blood was a key location in the books, yet you couldn't manage to get a single detail about this camp correct. It is supposed to have blueberry fields, a big open hill with a semi-circle of cabins, and a big pine tree at the top of the hill. In your poor adaptation, the entire camp was in the middle of the woods, with the cabins in no particular arrangement and a tree that didn't stand out from all of the rest.

Also, I would like to remind you that most of the plot of your movie was not the same as the book, which reinforces my thought that you haven’t read the books. They were best sellers, so why do they need to be changed?

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover’s journey brought them to the Lotus Hotel and Casino, which was about the only thing similar about their journey. Even this, however had mistakes like everything else in the entire movie. In the book, this Lotus Hotel was not a casino, but a giant game room designed to lure kids, which seems a lot more cynical and interesting. Your horrendous adaptation made it an actual casino, nothing like the one in the book.

There was one decision that I thought you did well with. This was the casting of Grover, who was very fitting of the part.  He was exactly what I pictured for the part, which got me through the movie.

The happiest moment of my life was the moment I heard that you had not been asked to return as the director of the second film. I have nothing but praise for the second movie adaption. Thor Freudenthal managed to dig himself out of the deep hole you dug. There will not be a third movie made, and I believe that this is entirely your fault.

I hope that you are pleased to know that you tinted the Percy Jackson legacy with your work. You should know that even the author of the series, Rick Riordan, refused to watch the movie. I hope you learned your lesson not to mess with the books, because they are always better than the movies. You can expect my medical bill following this letter. I screamed so much at your tragic excuse for a movie, that my throat required intensive surgery.

Sincerely,

Kelly Nelson